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141 My mind holds only what I think with God.
Forgiveness is the key to happiness.
Forgiveness offers everything I want.


MT: My mind holds only what I think with God. What a solemn statement, direct, to the point, no equivocation. Forgiveness removes me from the thought of man, leads me back to God where I belong, offers the happiness I sought in vain for so long.

JC: And you still hesitate and demur and procrastinate.

MT: I am ready to think with God. I am totally ready.


141 My mind holds only what I think with God.
Forgiveness is the key to happiness.
Forgiveness offers everything I want.


"My mind holds only what I think with God." This must mean something. It is not an empty phrase; I am convinced that no words in the Course are empty ones. So why does it say that? What is the meaning?
JC: This is God's meaning. Your ego has its meaning, God His own.
MT: Yes, but, that doesn't really help, JC.
JC: What do you really, really want to know?
MT: I want to know, to experience, God's love. Not as an idea, but as experience.
JC: As you have already.
MT: I forget . . .
JC: The Mind of God is One with yours. It is the Eternal Mind, the Eternal Intelligence. It is the fuel that runs everything of Earth. All other productions of your limited mind are ephemeral. What you are looking for is what does not change.
MT: And what does not change is the Rock of Ages, that certainty beyond all discussion.
JC: It is Truth. Truth is One. Love is One.


142 My mind holds only what I think with God.
I thank my Father for His gifts to me.
Let me remember I am one with God.


MT: I feel vaguely sad today. Could say I woke up depressed, but it was more like I am now aware of a depression that's always been there. Well, not always--I remember looking forward to playing tennis in the morning, thirty years ago, and there was a time when the day held a lot of promise. As a kid, I loved the beach, the water, the sheer physical well-being that was mine then. Where did all that go?

The feeling is not huge, but when I lie in bed in the morning, I ask, "what is there to get up for?" And I have no answer. May as well stay in bed all day. I used to look forward to breakfast, but I have mostly let go of my attachment to eating. Watching a movie? Watching TV? Those are distractions, TV an especially vile one. Buying things? Who needs more stuff? You bring home something shiny and new, and soon it's just stuff like everything else, dusty and covered with fingerprints. Really, I'm reluctant to say, the only thing I look forward to is a cup of coffee at Starbucks, mid-morning, and even that is fleeting. How long can one nurse a cup of coffee?

So do I thank the Father for his gifts to me? I could recite a long list, but it would still be just an idea, an empty list, a product of my ego like so many I am tired of. My health is good, I don't need to work for a living, I live in a privileged area of the world, I am way more "at peace" than I was twenty years ago, people love and need me, etc. etc. Is there unforgiveness lurking here? I'm not blaming anyone else, I know I am the only one who can save me. It feels more like generalized fatigue, a weariness of the world. Nothing works, not one of my clever strategies for making myself happy. I feel like the writer in Ecclesiastes: Vanity, vanity, all is vanity.

JC: God is pulling the rug out from under you, dear sister.

MT: Is there a light somewhere?

JC: Yes, the brilliant light of God, but one must go through the darkness. Only then do you see that the darkness is of your making and does not exist.

MT: Hold my hand, JC . . . I feel like Orpheus, descending into the underworld to look for the Beloved.

 


142 My mind holds only what I think with God.
I thank my Father for his gifts to me.
Let me remember I am one with God.


MT: We now come back to basics with these lessons: my mind holds only what I think with God. What does this mean? At least in the past, my mind held all sorts of unwanted thoughts. Thirty years ago I felt at the mercy of my unforgiving thoughts. It was a desperate situation, and death seemed like the only possible relief. My thoughts seemingly had a power of their own, and I couldn't shake them off.
JC: Or did not want to shake them off, or did not see any reason to shake them off. Hopefully you now have sufficient and compelling reason to clean the house of your mind. The word "hold" is used here on purpose. The Thought of God is permanent and unchanged, while thoughts of the ego come and go and shift with your every whim.
MT: I can accept that, JC. So now it's time for thanks and the memory of oneness.
JC: You and I are one, and we are one with God. There exists nothing else.
MT: This, then, is Life, taking on myriad forms, yet still only One Life, the Life I share with God.

142 My mind holds only what I think with God.
I thank my Father for His gifts to me.
Let me remember I am one with God.


If my mind holds only what I think with God--only that has permanence, the rest is composed of fleeting and contradictory thoughts--then gratitude is inevitable. Why is that? Because if God gave anything other than Love, He would affirm the separation and deny His wholeness. He would be saying, "the Son of God is evil. Punishment is needed to make him good." Now, why would a loving God ever say that? Would the sun take sides, would it deny its warmth to the mosquito and bestow it on the deer it feeds on?

Enough of these childish thoughts. There is no way that God created anything other than perfection. As a Son of God, I am perfect. I am as God created me.


 

143 My mind holds only what I think with God.
In quiet I receive God's word today.
All that I give is given to myself.


MT: What are God's thoughts? I would like a reminder. This distinction between the thought of God and my own still seems arbitrary, murky.
JC: The Thought of God is a miracle. The distinction seems arbitrary only because you forgot that the Thought of God even existed. Your own fevered, pointless mind activity was the only reality for you.
MT: So when I empty my mind of planning, of defense/attack, when I no longer think I need to maintain the separation, the Thought of God enters in.
JC: Or rather, it is revealed to you. It is always there. You ARE a Thought of God, and you can't not be.
MT: But then, the jump to giving/receiving, why is that? You lost consistency.
JC: Au contraire. In offering miracles to your brothers, you receive the Thought of God yourself. There is no selfish, personal Oneness. What you call "you" cannot "achieve" Oneness by leaving everybody else behind. Oneness is Oneness and cannot be made into separation.


143 (2006) My mind holds only what I think with God.
In quiet I receive God's word today.
All that I give is given to myself.


MT: Here I am, God--Higher Power--JC the Friend. Summer arrived in California with a very warm night. I feel slow this morning. Should walk up Islay Hill but I'll stretch instead. I am to receive God's word in quiet, but my mind feels very unalert. Groggy is the word. Can God talk to a groggy mind?
JC: Come as you are. All it takes is a little willingness. Grogginess is fine, in fact it slows down your overactive ego voice.
MT: I had an ego attack yesterday, my in-laws as usual.
JC: You did not see them as they are. You saw them as projections of your mind, didn’t you.
MT: The worst of it is, I wanted to see the projection, to make myself into a victim, to blame them for something or other. I asked to see them differently, but the asking had no power because the wanting was not there.
JC: But you were willing to be willing. That was the gift you gave to yourself.
MT: It surprised me that I felt so attached to the projection. And the whole thing happened in my head, when I was dressing, prior to going there for Sunday dinner. They hadn't had a chance to provoke me, but I prepared myself with an attitude. I stashed the projection in my pants pocket along with the house keys, just in case. Ain't that a wonder?
JC: In the past, you would not have noticed the irony. It is good to write it down like this.
MT: It is a gift to myself. It is my daily connection with something higher than my little ego-self. Thank you for God's word, JC.


143 My mind holds only what I think with God.
In quiet I receive God's Word today.
All that I give is given to myself.


Only what I think with God has any permanence, because it comes out of a non-dual realm. It has certainty in it, the certainty of Truth.
How do I get there? Not by huffing and puffing, not by jaw-clenching effort. I get there by silence. I get there by non-effort.
And now, the seemingly different tack: giving and receiving, all the same. Do I offer peace and silence to others? That I have for myself, no doubt. In fact, it must happen to me if it is to happen for others.

I become the Sun, giving without any thought as to merit, giving with no judgment or consideration. The sun gives, and we rejoice in the gift. We know it is good.


 

144 My mind holds only what I think with God.
There is no love but God's.
The world I see holds nothing that I want.


MT: I've seen these words a thousand times, JC. How to recover their freshness?
JC: How does a musician manage to play, as if for a first time, the piece endlessly practiced?
MT: I don't know. I have marveled at that. Because pieces I studied became old, stale, and boring.
JC: Yet they always have something to give you, and you give them value as well.
MT: "There is no love but God's." Well, I know this, but not really. Not in my bones. It's just theory. I fear becoming a theologian making pompous pronouncements about God. Yecch. How can anybody do that?
JC: For peace of mind, forgive the theologians in your life.
MT: The hypocrites of the Baptist church who prayed with raised eyes and tremulous voices to a deaf God, yes. I felt victimized by them because my father loved them more than me, and I thought I deserved special treatment. I was his daughter, after all, the "lily of a Christian home." Where are we going with this?
JC: You tell me. I am here to lead by following.
MT: To lead by following. That is profound.
JC: True humility does not know, and offers what it knows.
MT: Unlike the theologians in my life. Unlike my father, who knew not then what I now know. How I would love to offer him forgiveness, that he might forgive himself!


144 (2006) My mind holds only what I think with God.
There is no love but God's.
The world I see holds nothing that I want.


MT: I felt troubled yesterday, JC. For moments or hours, it was as if I had never done the Course. My body felt out of control, something sinister was afoot upon the land. I feel better this morning, but what's going on? I miss the glorious connection with you and with God.
JC: What shall we do about that. . .
MT: I am serious. I need help out of this valley of the shadow of death. There's too much evil in the world already, I don't need to add to it in word or deed.
JC: Of course you don't. Nobody does. Evil is not a necessity!
MT: Not even a reality, but there are shadows around me. Shadow moods, anyway. I was recreating evil yesterday. Other than blithely telling me to "snap out of it," what do you suggest?
JC: What about "24 Hours"? You ordered the series from Netflix (or Scott ordered it, but you watched with him) and you can't wait to see more.
MT: Yes. . . it has a huge sensory appeal. The sounds, the pictures, the awful story keep going through my mind. I wish it were an insult to my intelligence like 99 percent of TV--then I could easily turn my back on it. I keep thinking, that's how I invited these awful states of mind.
JC: You took deliberate action to fill your mind with thoughts of evil, assuming you could do so with impunity. I might remind you of the lesson: the world you see holds nothing that you want. Seems like you are making "24 Hours" into something you badly want even if it hurts you and sends you on a detour from the road home. Remember, the world you see is cleverly designed to seduce you. Superb talent is paid a fortune to hook you in. This is the time to be firm with yourself.
MT: How can I say no to it?
JC: By saying no to it! Have Scott tell you how the story ends, if you must really know. At least you will be sparing yourself negative images and fearful sounds.
MT: Now please remind me of the love of God. I need it today.
JC: I am with you today and always. Love has no opposite. It is not conditional, partial, or limited. Angels hover all about you, and of this be sure: I will never leave you comfortless.


144 My mind holds only what I think with God.
There is no love but God's.
The world I see holds nothing that I want.


The Thought of God is permanent, as is the Love of God. I can seek for many loves, all equally fleeting, but the Love of God abides for all eternity. How could I want anything in this world of duality, of uncertainty, of beginnings and endings, when I can reside forever with the Beloved?


 

145 My mind holds only what I think with God.
Beyond this world there is a world I want.
It is impossible to see two worlds.


You are telling me that this is a dream I'm in. I am dreaming Monica the Great and Monica the Wretched. I am dreaming figures of attack and figures of worship. I dream wars and hurricanes and I dream peace and I dream the fight for the dream of peace. My body walks around with a dream bubble surrounding it like a cloud. The shadowy figures I think I meet walk around with a dream bubble surrounding their seeming body. Like a modern-day Don Quijote, I stab at windmills and think I have accomplished something, when in fact this road I'm on leads nowhere. There is nothing to do, nothing to gain and nothing to fear in the dream.


145 (2006) My mind holds only what I think with God.
Beyond this world there is a world I want.
It is impossible to see two worlds.


MT: Well, I guess this lesson relates to my feelings of disillusionment and emptiness of the other day. I've given up so much--or rather, found that so much of what I treasured were in fact idols, passing fancies that didn't really satisfy--but now I find myself empty and bereft. So, "beyond this world there is a world I want." What I need now, the only thing I need, is a direct connection with God.
JC: Open yourself to it. But do not continue your attempts to find fulfillment in this world. They are futile and a waste of time.
MT: So what do I DO?
JC: You need do nothing. Empty yourself of all you thought was true, all that you treasured, all your attempts to understand and manipulate reality. Come wholly empty-handed unto your God.
MT: That's such a beautiful passage from the Text.
JC: Your agonizing over not having a purpose, over being depressed--those are artifacts of the ego. They have one purpose: to rob you of peace. Do not preoccupy your beautiful mind in this way a moment longer.


 

146 My mind holds only what I think with God.
No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth.
I loose the world from all I thought it was.


MT: I feel rebellious today, JC. Having a hard time focusing on this blog, the lesson, the thought, anything.
JC: Your mind does not hold its focus.
MT: It does not hold it because I'm not thinking with God, is that it?
JC: You know the answer. What is the truth here?
MT: Truth is, I am fighting the experience of total, complete, unadulterated love. Love without limit, extending forever. Why did I just think of the Hubble Space Telescope with its photos of the outer limits of space? The mystery of it all, and I am so little, a speck on the surface of a speck of dirt.
JC: Love has no size, no space, no time. You expand to contain all of it.
MT: I let go of attachments, I loose the world from all I thought it was.


146 (2006) My mind holds only what I think with God.
I will accept Atonement for myself.
Only salvation can be said to cure.


MT: Here I am, God. Help me feel Your presence in my life.
JC: God's presence comes through your brothers, who are one with you.
MT: Well, I just shut God out this very morning, then. I judged S for shattering the stillness of dawn by turning on the TV.
JC: And you retreated into your solitary splendor (not!) to look for God in the laptop screen.
MT: Ouch. One screen is no different from another, then?
JC: God can speak to you from the TV screen.
MT: But I hate TV with a passion.
JC: You don't have to love TV. All I am suggesting is that God will use TV if that's what's available. If you resist it, it will persist as a thorn in your flesh. God can speak to you through any medium when you let go of judgments of your brother and your own victimization stance. He is not your persecutor, neither is TV. That is the lesson for you to learn.

146 My mind holds only what I think with God.
No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth.
I loose the world from all I thought it was.


If my mind holds only what I think with God, can I fail to reach the truth, or is Truth a given? And to loose the world from all I thought it was--it is obvious that my past thoughts about the world got me nowhere. They only added to the confusion in which I floundered for decades. Here is surrender again. The world I think I see must go, in order to give way to God's world, the only world I want.



147 My mind holds only what I think with God.
I will not value what is valueless.
Let me perceive forgiveness as it is.


MT: So, JC, when I value the valueless, and turn forgiveness into an opportunity to blame, I am excluding God from my mind. I am misusing the Mind of God to pursue fleeting thoughts of separation, thus shutting myself off from the Source. Or thinking I can do the impossible--to set myself apart from All that Is.

JC: Open your heart to your God, and do not look back. Look upon your brother with the perspective of eternity.

MT: What do you mean when you say, "my mind holds only what I think with God"? Are there thoughts the mind doesn't "hold"?

JC: You have probably noticed that the mind flits around between problems and proposed solutions, between past events and future fears, rehashing endless stories of injustice, murder, endless suffering. Those are the thoughts the mind cannot hold. It rushes from one to another in constant turmoil. That is the nature of the ego-mind. The mind of God, by contrast, is still like a clear lake in the moonlight. The only purpose of your mind is to reach beyond suffering, above the battleground. The purpose of your mind is to be back with God where it belongs.

MT: I want that for myself. I am willing to practice true forgiveness to still my mind and open my heart.

 

147 My mind holds only what I think with God.
I will not value what is valueless.
Let me perceive forgiveness as it is.


MT: I am avoiding this, JC. I really am. I am annoyed with myself: either I do it, or I let it go. My life goes around in circles. I haven't accomplished what I set out to do.
JC: You are listening to too much Caroline Myss. Do not take everything she says as gospel. Would you want YOUR words taken as gospel?
MT: No way. I can easily slip into ego mode. Use your God-filter, ye who read.
JC: The world "accomplish" is of the ego. It implies that "achievement" is of value. Let me say once again: the world you see holds nothing that you want. You received an insight about that last night. Remember what it was?
MT: That I can't be hurt, I can't be sick, I cannot suffer, because there is no one here.
JC: Such is forgiveness: the dissolution of the ego that can suffer.

147 My mind holds only what I think with God.
No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth.
I loose the world from all I thought it was.


MT: I feel compressed. I ate too much of the wrong things.
JC: There are no wrong things. One illusion is as "wrong" as the other. Not one is Truth.
MT: I am paying attention to untruth, then, and letting it influence me.
JC: You bet. What is the truth?
MT: That I am as God created me. That there is no other way to be, that this is the path God has laid out for me.
JC: So loose the world from all you thought it was.
MT: Seems easier said than done.
JC: Only if you pay attention to how it can't be done. How can it be done, instantly, immediately?
MT: With a decision on my part, but I hang on to my powerlessness. I stick to it like a barnacle.
JC: And why would you believe in littleness, when you can have magnitude, and only that will satisfy?
MT: Help me to a direct experience of God! I think that's what it will take.


147 (2006) My mind holds only what I think with God.
I will not value what is valueless.
Let me perceive forgiveness as it is.


When my mind is fluttering about or frantically searching for solutions to the problems it makes up, I am not thinking with God. If I don't think with God, I am chaining myself to this low energy sphere, truly my ball-and-chain. When I perceive forgiveness as it is--a joining rather than a judgment; seeing the Christ in another, instead of my old pictures of who he or she is or ought to be--then my mind is back with God. I am at peace and the world ceases to be a problem.
Thinking with God, I activate a superb BS detector. I no longer rush to buy the Purple Pill, and I do not go on board with Lipitor. Why, I don't watch TV to speak of, because I see it for what it is, a hypnotic tool of the ego-world. I no longer think that material goods will make me happy, that "he who dies with the most toys wins." Day after Christmas, the crowds line up by the store door, is that not madness? They are out of their minds and they need God, not another gadget or trinket or dress, not after they've spent a month shopping for Christmas gifts! I see people sadly looking to the Second Coming for salvation, when Jesus has already come in everyone. I see people looking to the next political leader for salvation, not realizing he's just another misguided soul stumbling along on the path. . .I'm afraid I sound gloating, JC, but these are some of the very real blessings God has bestowed on me. I am grateful--to Helen and Bill for their dedication and selflessness, grateful to you for the sure guidance of this miraculous book.

147 My mind holds only what I think with God.
I will not value what is valueless.
Let me perceive forgiveness as it is.


There is one one thought: the Thought of God. The motive power of the mind. That which IS.
So why would I assign value to the valueless? why would I strive for the ephemeral?
Forgiveness, the Great Undoing, the end of the world, the rolling back of the carpet of time. That is forgiveness. It sees that nothing happened. It sees that only God Is.



148 My mind holds only what I think with God.
If I defend myself I am attacked.
Sickness is a defense against the truth.


MT: Defending myself is not what I think with God, then. Neither is the thought of sickness a Thought of God.

JC: One can be lifted above the battleground, no matter what happens to the body.

MT: Thoughts of death, so close to me these days, having lost dear Nina -- they are not the Thought of God either, are they?

JC: Your perceived loss can be a path to open your heart.

MT: I know. I sense that this is happening. But it hurts, JC. I hurt for the clearcuts in Oregon, I hurt to see a bobcat with its paw in a steel jaw trap, I hurt to think of Nina struggling for breath. I want to save everything and everyone, and it's hard to think with God. I know that "beyond this world there is a world I want," but right now I'm firmly stuck in this one.

JC: The one that you made up, I might add. Let me comfort you. Let the presence of God in and all around you surround you with love and peace.

MT: You said it . . . thank you.

148 My mind holds only what I think with God.
If I defend myself I am attacked.
Sickness is a defense against the truth.


MT: Defense/attack, giving/receiving--they are the same. Only my little separate self tries to make them different. Now, about sickness, JC--that's my stumbling block right now. I want to free my body to serve the Great Awakening.
JC: But you are. Think you that your life has been for nothing? Your Being has saved thousands of years because of your forgiveness. Come to the Lover and let the world go. There is no world, there is no sickness, there is no dream. Awaken in My arms.

148 My mind holds only what I think with God.
If I defend myself I am attacked.
Sickness is a defense against the truth.


The Thought of God: a steady sweet tone under all the racous klangings of the ego. This my mind holds. This is permanent.
But I can be deaf to the Thought of God when I defend myself--or think I must, then proceed to do it. Today I will back off when tempted: "do I really need to defend myself? Am I creating anything, or just making up a story?
Sickness--ah, sickness, the fortress where the ego makes its last stand. When I let sickness in, I am defending against the Thought of God. When I focus on sickness, the world I see obscures the sight of God. Which do I want, sickness, or God?



149 My mind holds only what I think with God.
When I am healed I am not healed alone.
Heaven is the decision I must make.


MT: Here I am, JC. Feeling happier today. Hiking first thing in the morning helped a lot. I should do the things I know I need to do, it's not that difficult.

JC: As has been said, get yourself in motion. God responds more easily to verbs than to nouns.

MT: Perhaps I've been in the grip of a wrong concept? Like riding a bike, you can't stay in one place.As a kid, it was a revelation to me--I had to move in order to ride my bike.

JC: Heaven is the decision you must make--these words imply movement from one state to another, if nothing else. Ask for guidance, then act. Dedicate your actions to the pursuit of peace.

149 My mind holds only what I think with God.
When I am healed I am not healed alone.
Heaven is the decision I must make.


MT: How does this lesson relate to my personal life? I made myself preoccupied with E's move to San Diego and found fault with that (and felt very righteous about finding fault). Last night you helped me see the unforgiveness behind this thought, and how it took away my peace of mind. There's the "not healed alone" idea here. I am curious.
JC: And you should be. This is a living experiment on the connectedness of minds. You have set yourself in opposition to E's move, and this serves to entrench him.
MT: The decision with God being. . . ?
JC: The decision with God, in this case, is to offer love to your son, even when he makes a mistake. You condemn his perfectionism, yet you want him to be perfect--meaning, more like Mother.
MT: That helps, JC. I can be healed of my need to figure everything out this instant. I can step back and let Him lead the way.



150 My mind holds only what I think with God.
I will accept Atonement for myself.
Only salvation can be said to cure.


MT: Here I am, God. Help me feel Your presence in my life.

JC: God's presence comes through your brothers, who are one with you.

MT: Well, I just shut God out this very morning, then. I judged S for shattering the stillness of dawn by turning on the TV.

JC: And you retreated into your solitary splendor (not!) to look for God in the laptop screen.

MT: Ouch. One screen is no different from another, then?

JC: God can speak to you from the TV screen.

MT: But I hate TV with a passion.

JC: You don't have to love TV. All I am suggesting is that God will use TV if that's what's available. If you resist it, it will persist as a thorn in your flesh. God can speak to you through any medium when you let go of judgments of your brother and your own victimization stance. He is not your persecutor, neither is TV. That is the lesson for you to learn.


150 My mind holds only what I think with God.
I will accept Atonement for myself.
Only salvation can be said to cure.


MT: To accept Atonement-- it should be the easiest thing in the world, but instead it's the opposite.
JC: The only reason for this (other than unwillingness) is that you cannot totally accept Atonement and be "in the world" at the same time. Atonement will undo the world that you see. You can return to teach others, but you are never the same again, because you have been touched by the hand of God. This is why attachment to "good" things is as destructive to your peace of mind as is attachment to illness.
MT: So, then, a "cure" is this removal from the world I see.
JC: That is the solution to any problem you may think you have, whether in the body, in your mind, or with a brother. One problem, one solution.

150 My mind holds only what I think with God.

MT: Is this a statement of fact, or a statement of intention, JC?
JC: It is a fact. It is also a way to start your day, an intention that sets the tone for what is to follow.

>I will accept Atonement for myself.

JC: That is also a fact as well as an intention. That Atonement is inevitable, and that you are willing to accept it sooner rather than later.

>Only salvation can be said to cure.

We look for "cures," and in the process we are defining illness. But there is no "cure" for a disease that never existed. So we're saying that salvation cures, but that is stated within the illusion that there's something to be cured from. When this world disappears, sickness and death go with it, never to return.


 

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